restoring our biblical and constitutional foundations


Swift Vote Veterans for Bush

FROM THE APPROPRIATED PRESS                                                                                                           AUGUST 23, 2004

Supporters of President Jorge W. Bush, responding to charges of ignorance and apathy, have formed Swift Vote Veterans for Bush, calling on all faithful members of the Republicrat Party to join. George Nicolaitan, speaking on behalf of the group, said, “We are sick and tired of people criticizing the president. Now is the time for all Americans to put up or shut up. You are either for the president or you are against him. There is no middle ground.”

White House spokesman Dewey Needham agreed: “In a time of war it is unconscionable that people should seek to undermine a sitting president. What was good for the nation in 2000 is still good for the nation in 2004. We stand behind the SVVB 100 percent.”

Interviewed for today’s story, the major candidates for president had various responses. “It’s ridiculous, just ridiculous,” said Democracy Party candidate John Hairy. “The real issues – the issues the people care about – are jobs, education, and health care. Got it? JOBS, EDUCATION, and HEALTH CARE!”

Liberty Party candidate Dan Goodnarik was more magnanimous. “As long as they don’t bother us, we won’t bother them,” he said. “After all, it’s a free country.”

Constitutional Party candidate Michael Bazooka, however, insisted that the SVVB was ignoring basic constitutional principles. “Unless we really think through the issues before we vote, we will end up with the same old same old – Big Brother getting bigger and bigger and less efficient. It’s all a matter of returning to the U.S. Constitution as our guiding touchstone.”

Swift Vote Veterans for Bush remained undeterred, however. “No need to think about anything,” retorted Nicolaitan. “Just go to the polls and punch the card for Bush. It’s your patriotic duty.”

Whether the SVVB can convince the majority of Americans to vote for the president remains to be seen. “If we can,” said Nicolaitan, “then maybe the nation will finally get past its incessant squabbling over the issues.”

August 23, 2004

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